10 August 2008

Animal Collective Writes Terrible Music

If there's one thing that I have learned in the past 24 hours, aside from the fact that my legs cannot in fact take a "licking" and keep on "ticking," it's this: the sheer number of human beings who will stand in front of Animal Collective while they play terrible music is simply mindblowing.

I just got back from All Points West. Radiohead, as always, annihilated. But that isn't what I want to talk to you about. I want to talk about a little experimental electronic group called Animal Collective; a group that features a dude who calls himself Panda Bear. You might remember Panda Bear as the 2007 artist-of-the-picosecond over at Pitchfucker, the asshole of the internet. Well, apparently, he's back with his old band, and they continue to write music that somehow strikes a balance between being incomparably annoying and tragically, overpoweringly elitist. There are few bands in the history of bands that suck this much hipster clit. Here's a formula I have devised:

Set Reverb To "Stupid" + One Measure Of Keyboard Blips Repeated Indefinitely + Sing Two Notes = Animal Collective

I have never met a single person I respected who gave a horse's perineum for this band. So why did 8,000 people go to see them at All Points West? Why did their interminable, unmelodic, uninteresting sound poop enter into so many lives today? I HAVE NO IDEA. Let me repeat that, in case you didn't hear it the first time. I HAVE NO IDEA.

Sometimes, you just have to wonder.


Anonymous said...

you have "no idea", i think that about sums up this post. but no, really, i agree. when bands sing lyrics like "try to tell me how to do it/only because i'm new to it/coolness is having courage/courage to do what's right/i'll try to remember always/always to have a good time" they're just about the most stuck up, bourgeois, elitist ASSHOLES around.

Barry said...

You = too much to prove.

Anonymous said...

I didn't know they had lyrics. I thought it was just mouth noises.

Oren said...

whoohoo! let them have it.... damn! double damn (damn, damn)

Anonymous said...

I love that you have a problem with Animal Collective, but the most overated band that has ever existed in rock n roll, -RADIOHEAD-, duh, gets praised.

fact of the matter is you have terrible taste in music, both in what you like and what you hate. you need to get out more, or else just take that job in banking and stop kidding yourself that you follow music and participate in a community.

McLuxuryCondos await your future self, go to them! You'll bea lot happier once you give up on trying to be the cool kid that you clearly ain't.

Philip Brightmore said...

Oh, ok. I'm trying to be a 'cool kid.' Blog post coming tonight, on just how cool I want to fucking be.

Also, blog post defending Radiohead. I am sincerely flabbergasted when I hear people from decent bands like Silver Jews attacking Radiohead. It makes no sense at all. Unless they're just jealous. Because they're only decent, and Radiohead is very good.

Anonymous said...

"radiohead is very good"

that's the best you can do to describe what you like about this band?

if music is so god damned important to you (see post claiming "music doesn't judge you...") you'd think you'd be able to put up a spirited, intellectual defense. you suck!

Philip Brightmore said...

Alright, how about this:

"Radiohead's lilting bravado emanates like a chamber orchestra from the Virgin Mary's bleeding tears. Thom Yorke's angelic falsetto rains down over the jungle rhythms in a delirious perfection made infinitely more profound by the tragedy of his pathos."

Now am I speaking your language?

Anonymous said...

Dude. . .you suck.

I love Animal Collective because I enjoy their music. You dislike them only because you think others like them for the wrong reasons. Way to mention RADIOHEAD, ha.

Get over yourself, and open your mind up to new thing's all I'm sayen'.


. . .Hahahahahahahhaha.

Anonymous said...

The amount of fanboy faggotry in these comments amazes me. Animal collective is absolute shit. Am I going insane? Or is gurgling over a shitty electronic beat now considered "good music". Fuck that. It seems to me that their fanbase consists mainly of teenage girls, obsessed with the idea of being "indie" whatever the fuck that means. Animal Collective=music for people that like to think they know music but actually have the musical taste of a tweaked out baboon shitting his brains out while tripping on LSD in a combat zone.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't have explained it better.

Anonymous said...

LOL ANONYMOUS YOU TOOL. you create a bad name for fans P:

It's funny how strong of a reaction Animal COllective always seems to get. It's like, you get it r you don't I guess. This may sound a little bit pretentious but I feel a little bit sorry for the people who don't get it. It's really very beautiful and very different once you get to the... underlying connecting thread that runs though all their songs. After you get it, it's like a craving and it's the only one of it's kind, so you always go back to it, and it never gets old. c:

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