22 January 2009

10 Reality Shows that Would Exist in a Perfect World

10. Who Wants to Be an Art Therapist?

Artists from around the globe compete for a chance to be America's one and only art therapist.

The Catch: In the end, after years of working toward a degree--after teaching developmentally afflicted, victimized and LD students--no one gets to be an art therapist. All contestants end up in social work.

9. America's Next Top Experimental Novella Writer

A group of 9 undergraduate English majors from Villanova University compete for the chance to be America's Next Top Experimantal Novella Writer. No girls.

The Catch: In the end of the show, all copies of the finished novellas are burned. The winner is the undergrad who jumps into the fire with his manuscript.

8. Footless

The show follows the 2008 American Olympic Volleyball team. The team gets to live in luxury at the Highball Estates in downtown Los Angeles, California.
The Catch: At the end of the first episode, as the team members are fast asleep, doctors enter the compound, anaesthetize the patients and remove their feet. The result is hilarious and involves lots of crawling.

7. Dove Assistant

North America's premier dove wrangler, Matt Jinny, must choose from among 10 candidates to be his official Dove Assistant.


The Catch: The doves are stuck in a nuclear reactor.
6. Joe AIDS

Fifteen women compete for the chance to marry Joe AIDS

The Catch: At the end of the show, Joe AIDS is revealed to be merely HIV positive.

5. House of Cats

Contestants live for 4 months in this house:

The Catch: Well, there's already a catch. It's filled with cats. The other catch is that the cats are all dying. For every cat still alive when the contest is over, the contestants get $1000.

4. The Weakest Heart

Fifteen strangers with very weak hearts are forced to live in a "haunted" house for a year.

The Catch: The house is actually filled with people afflicted by Marfan Syndrome, who jump out at the contestants on occasion in an effort to get them to die from heart failure.

3. Deal or No Deal or Faces Volkswagen

This is essentially Deal or No Deal. Contestants come on the show, pick a briefcase filled with an undisclosed amount of money and get offered amounts of money by "The Banker" to give up their case.
The Catch: At the end of the show, the contestant gets to decide if he/she wants to keep their money, or if he/she would rather have a Volkswagen Beatle upholstered with the faces of all audience members.

2. Buckcherry Cumshots

In this game, teams race to see who can be the first to put together a decent cover of Buckcherry's breakthrough hit "I Love the Cocaine."

The Catch: The losing group is filmed as Buckcherry masturbates onto their faces. Same with the winners.

1. Shoelaces

Contestants go through a tricky obstacle course that tests their skills in everything from log-rolling to zipcords.

The Catch: Before the obstacle course, contestants have their skin surgically removed and replaced by hundreds of shoelaces that are kept in place with commercial staples.