16 January 2009

REVIEW: Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion

This album sounds like a tricky furnace that runs out of ideas after two minutes. Don't ever listen to it.

That's my review. I'm bored now. Here's the conversation that went into the cover art:

"Hey, like, Panda Bear, holy shit!"
"What is it. Can't you see I'm experimenting with soundscapes?"
"Oh. I thought you were just really high on drugs and whispering into a vocorder."
"Exactly. I'm experimenting with soundscapes."
"Anyway, you have to see this thing I found at http://www.eyetricks.com/2701.htm. It's, like, it makes it look all turny and stuff."
"You're not making any sense."
"It's a picture, but it looks like it's moving and gyrating...with the soul of the universe."
"But evybody [sic] knows you can't make a picture look turny."
"Yes way. It's as turny as you can get. Come look for yourself."
"This better not be another one of those videos that scares me at the end."
"I promise it's not scary."
"Okey doke. Lemme see it."
"I knew you would, Panda Bear."
"No, I mean I'm actually getting eyeball boners. It hurts."
"What should I do?"
"I don't know man. I don't know. This is getting pretty weird. I think maybe I'm dying."
"Shit, dude. You're too cool to die."
"I know."
"Shit. I'll call Pitchfork and tell them about your boners. They might have some ideas of what you can do for your eyeball boners."
. . .
"Hello, Pitchfork?"
"Oh, hold on. [yelling] Oh, Pitchfork? Your friend's on the phone!"
"[in basement] Just a minute!"
"[to Animal Collective] He's in the basement putting together a jigsaw puzzle of the Washington Monument. He'll be here in a minute."
. . .
"Hey Animal Collective, what's up?"
"Nothing. We just got some eyeball boners, and we want to know if..."
"If I'll suck them hard?"
"You want to know if I'll fellate your eyeball boners?"
"Um, maybe. How old are you?"


Barry said...

Your blog is irreverent and profane and I'm likely gong to be offended by much of it.

Trouble is, I know brilliant when I see it so I'll probably be back for more.

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Philip Brightmore said...

I am awake at almost six in the morning. Which means A) I've been drinking and B) I'm cold as fuck from waiting for that goddamned G train for half an hour.

To the first guy: if you think this is brilliant, you need a new definition of brilliant.

To the second guy: my name is Philip. And you're batshit crazy.


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Barry said...

Well, at least I was right about the offensive part.

Oh, and the part about my returning.