04 February 2009

Candid Pictures Of Celebrities Who Have Just Realized They're Being Photographed

Ah, yes. The candid shot of a celebrity that's taken at the exact moment when the celebrity realizes they're being photographed (CSCEMCRTBP). There's nothing quite so tragically adorable.

Except maybe heroin-addicted unicorns.Now that's what I call tragically adorable! Lay off the H, Gary. It's bad for your unicorn fur.

Now before we begin, you should know that I didn't take any of these. Because I'm a good person. Just kidding. It's because I don't live in LA. Which makes me a good person. So, chicken or the egg.
What you're looking at is a textbook example of a pre-glance CSCEMCRTBP. It's got everything we're looking for--incredibly boring framing, food chewing, awkward pose, but most importantly, the timing is impeccable. Jenna Fischer has just realized that something isn't quite right about her surroundings, but wait! Her eyeline hasn't reached the photographer yet. This is like the Bigfoot of CSCEMCRTBP's. In your studies, you will come across very few, if any.

Now, some of my colleagues will point out that the above is several milliseconds too premature to be considered a CSCEMCRTBP. But these colleagues also fail to accept my hypothesis that peripheral vision and feelings of malaise should be taken into account during CSCEMCRTBP taxonomy. It's an ongoing academic battle. One in which I don't expect you to take sides.
I'm offering you this photo as a quick quiz. Is this a CSCEMCRTBP? The framing is amateur, we have an assistant in the photo and the pose is awkward, so you might be tempted to say "yes." Look closer, though, and you might be surprised. While it seems as if John Krasinski has seen the camera, upon closer inspection, he's looking off to the right of the photographer. I can only assume that when his eyeline reaches the portly, fanny-packed gentleman holding the zoom lens, the results will be different. Something like this:
While this isn't a textbook CSCEMCRTBP, we still have a lot of great elements. The half-wave while holding the bottle is particularly novel, and the assistant makes a perfectly ruinous framing for the event. But what keeps this from being a textbook CSCEMCRTBP is the faux-jovial response of John Krasinski, complete with what I can only assume is a jaded smile. A true CSCEMCRTBP would involve deep and bitter feelings of disgust. While those feelings may exist, they aren't being presented by Mr. Krasinski.

Touche, Mr. Krasinski. Touche.
I offer this as an example of an incredibly amateur CSCEMCRTBP. There are some rookie mistakes here you should watch out for. First of all, it's clear that these people noticed the camera at least two seconds prior to the snap--which, to be completely honest, is about 1.8 seconds too late. We've also got a canted frame here, which just won't do for a pro CSCEMCRTBP. Square, boring and dismissive is the name of the game.

In the above, however, it is a bonus that I don't recognize the celebrities. These particular celebrities also decided that closing their eyes was a good way to keep from being seen. This kind of idiocy is very rare and should be documented.