08 February 2009

Goofyville Is The Most Hilarious Place On The Internet

Thank Assfucking Christ.

Finally, a place on the internet that is hilarious. I thought we were at a loss for hilarious jokes on the internet, but it looks like I was wrong. I guess I shouldn't have bet the tip of my penis that there wasn't anything funny left on the internet.

Well, if you're anything like the tip of my penis, you're going to get a lot of enjoyment out of being hacked off by these hilarious jokes.

Welcome to Goofyville! Feast your bloodshot eyes on the horrifying wreckage from this F-5 tornado of comedy! Better yet, close those fucking eyes, or they'll probably tear open like virgin ass from the hilarious brain-rape that's about to take place. (My apologies for the mixed metaphor.)

I mean, come on guys!! You aren't convinced by the homepage??? What better way to subconsciously prepare you for imminent laughter evisceration than with a HILARIOUS CARTOON GECKO!!! IT'S LIKE HE'S STICKING TO THE GLASS OF YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN AS IF BY MAGIC.

Let's begin.

I don't get it, what does Burger King do to you? If you've got speakers, head on over to the page itself...but don't be surprised when you start ejaculating unstoppably. It's a good idea to have a bucket around, or someone with deep sinuses.


Burger King makes you sing Carol Of The Bells, replacing the words with things about Burger King!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAHAHAAHHHHAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!1

That was pretty good, Goofyville. I'm glad Sandra was here, and I'm especially glad she had such empty sinuses. But I have to tell you, that hilarious Carol Of The Bells/Burger King joke wasn't nearly as cum-enducing as my favorite flash video from 2002. You know, the one where the Crazy Frog voice makes race car sounds? Yeah, that one. So I'm only as excited for you as I am for the rapture, instead of being as excited for you as I am for the super rapture (come on, wrath of God!).

Well, Goofyville, I should probably get back to substitute teaching this third grade class. I guess we'll always have Pari--


HOLY SHIT!!!!!! You got to warn me before you do that, Goofyville. I'm going to have to call a steam cleaner to get the semen off all these eight-year-olds.

Well, Goofyville, you certainly are the website for hilarious audio over photos of things. But you'll never be the website for workplace related jokes, especially for jokes about how bosses are mean or not smart. I guess we'll always have Pari--
AAAHCHCCCCHHHH! Holy Christ Alive! You just deflated my prostate like a fucking water balloon, Goofyville! Jesus Christ! Do you have any idea when to stop? Any fucking idea?

Well, you've certainly proven yourself master of visual and audio comedy, Goofyville. I will never again underestimate your impeccably ejaculatory use of images and sound to induce me to ejaculate until I die. Ejaculate. Sure, you may not have the narrative jokes down, like cute story jokes, but at least you've got the other stuff going your way. I guess we'll always have Pari--HOLY GODFUCKING DOGPENISES!!!!!!!!!! I JUST CRACKED MY HEAD OPEN ON THE COUNTER! Oh my God...now I'm cautiously pulling out pieces of my own brain and looking at them inquisitively!!

Well, Goofyville, you certainly do cause me to fall and crack my head open with comedy. But at least I'll always have those Yo Mama jokes I've been crafting since middle school. You and me, Goofyville, we'll always have Pari--
OH MY...wait, what? Why would there be people drawn on the map?

Goofyville. I know we've only been together for a short time, but I think...well...I think I'm starting to fall in love with you. No, don't look at me like that, I know a love like ours could never be. But maybe, one day, you'll find it in your heart to give some hope to a guy like me. Maybe I'll catch you in a crowd, and you'll flash me your characteristic smile, and I'll sense, if only for the moment, that a love like ours is possible...if only in dreams.

Until then, we'll always have Pari--

Seriously? Nothing else? You're a fucking cunt, Goofyville.