07 March 2009

I Urge You Not To Watch The Video Of The Guy With Glass In His Bum

I don't know if anyone has seen this video, but you shouldn't. It's called "One Guy One Jar" or something like that. A dude puts a pickle jar in his ass...probably to prove to all his friends that he wasn't lying about being able to put a pickle jar in his ass. And, of course, since the jar is empty, it shatters inside him.

Do not watch this video. You will never be able to get that subtle but disturbing "pop" sound out of your head. You know, the sound that sounds like a combination of a tupperware container popping open in the microwave and a drunk guy tossing a bottle at a brick wall. That sound will never leave you.

And then there's the three and half minutes he spends gingerly pulling slivers of glass out of his colon, as blood pours steadily onto the lid of the jar, pooling beneath his feet. And the last piece of glass. The really small piece of glass that he has to dig around for for nearly a minute before finally pulling it out of his body and standing up.

And then when he stands up, you hear the inevitable...more pieces of glass still inside him, grinding together. And the fact that he makes no noise otherwise. No scream. No grunting. No "Oh My God It's Happening Again." Just the eerie quiet of panic. Accompanied by glass sounds.

On second thought, go ahead and watch it. It's kind of cute!