29 May 2009

Tennis

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/30/sports/tennis/30tennis.html?_r=1&hp

18 May 2009

Retard Ketchup

If you have a permanently mentally handicapped child, you know all too well the fuss and care it takes to make your child look like he's not mentally handicapped. You spend hours dressing him in the most modern sweaters and shorts, getting the most fashionable and athletic-looking Reeboks money can buy. You even hire local girls to take him on dates where the non-retarded children go. 

But, if you're a retard parent, you know that the effort you expend can be negated in one squeeze of a hamburger or tug of a hot dog. All of a sudden, your careful and attentive mothering turns into a fat, watery streak of ketchup that just screams out "I am retarded and my mother can't clean me...mahgghghghgirgz!"

No more!
New from the makers of Rape Device© comes Retard Ketchup©! Twice as effective as the other brands, Retard Ketchup© combines the salty flavors of store-variety ketchup with the less-embarrassing color of a translucent mayonnaise. 

When your retarted child suddenly gets the urge to force three hamburgers down his mouth hole, never fear. The scientists at our Ketchup Laboratories have devised a secret ketchup formula that's basically invisible on the skin and clothing--focus groups have compared the clarity, translucence and consistency of Retard Ketchup© to mucous or cloudy shampoo. No longer will little Jimmy or Sally be considered the outcast, retarded, good-for-nothing, annoying little bastards that society stigmatizes them as. Now, they're just one of the gang!

Get yours today. Also available in Black and Hispanic varieties.

17 May 2009

12 May 2009

clicke here

fore a picture of my bonere:

boner photographe

10 May 2009

By You in the Bayou

This is a song I wrote a few years ago, sung by a good friend of mine. That's me on the electrical guitar.

It's called "By You in the Bayou". I was going to make a video for it, but it's nine minutes long, so I'm making a video for something else you asshole.



Download here:
By You In The Bayou

09 May 2009

Porno Title

Cloudy with a Chance of Fucking

03 May 2009

Penis Wolverine


I should really be given an award.

Glad You're Acting Rationally, Iraq.

Can I just re-inform you all that swine flue is not communicable by eating pork. Or going to the zoo.

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Three wild boars were put to sleep in Iraq on Friday because of swine flu fears, a zoo official said.
The decision to kill the 10-year-old wild boars in Baghdad was a precautionary measure by the government to prevent an outbreak of swine flu, said Adel Musa, the zoo director.
It was done "to break a barrier of fear" zoo visitors had developed in recent days because of the spread of swine flu worldwide, he said.
The animals were tested prior to being put to sleep and found not to carry the virus, Musa said, adding that they were killed humanely.
Iraq had no reported cases of swine flu -- known as influenza A (H1N1) -- as of Sunday, the World Health Organization said.
The government has allocated $30 million to respond to possible outbreaks, according to the Iraqi ministry of health.
Health officials at border crossings are checking travelers for swine flu symptoms, it said.
The Kurdistan Regional Government, the country's semiautonomous Kurdish region in the north, which has a large number of wild boars, has banned boar hunting, said Zirian Othman, the region's health minister.
Othman said residents are being advised not to eat pork. Medical teams have been deployed to the region's international airports to monitor travelers, especially those from affected countries, he said.
Should the region be affected by the virus, there is enough medication for 75,000 people, Othman said.

02 May 2009

The pilot was reenacting a John Candy movie.

Outhouses Cushion Small Plane Crash in Wash State
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: May 2, 2009
Filed at 12:00 p.m. ET

PUYALLUP, Wash. (AP) -- A small airplane dropping from the sky after its engine failed wound up on a cushioning bunch of portable toilets -- and the pilot was able to walk away apparently unhurt.

Gary Mayor of the Federal Aviation Administration says the Cessna 182 crashed Friday afternoon in Washington state after taking off from Thun Field, an airfield owned by Pierce County southeast of Tacoma.

Sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer says the plane was about 150 feet in the air when the engine quit.

Troyer told The News Tribune that the pilot tried to turn around to land but didn't quite make it.

The plane hit a fence, flipped over and landed upside down on top of the portable toilets standing in a storage yard.

Authorities didn't immediately give the pilot's identity.